Have you ever questioned your sanity, at the expense of your own economy? Have you ever wished for a miracle cure for you, when you are good enough, and know it? Have you ever considered: maybe having autism and being autistic are more than “spectrum disorders”?
So have I. For many years. I am nearly 34 and was just told by my most recent therapist that, since I have been in “the system” since I was 8 years old, I have a PhD without the PhD. He’s right.
Since 2006 I have academically been trained in criminology, sociology, juris doctrine, psychology, neuroscience, cell biology, philosophy, cultural studies, as well Latin and Greek mythology and translation. Prior to that, I was a theist. When I could learn to talk I then taught myself how to pray. I had a strong desire to be involved in the church. I was involved in youth groups from 6-12th grade, and helmed multiple youth leadership conferences. At 17 years old, I enlisted in the Marine Corps Infantry in 2003.
I deployed to boot camp in 2004, Iraq in 2005, and was discharged TLDR in 2006. In 2011 I was rated 70% disabled by the VA for PTSD. In 2012, I began my academic research on Veteran and Active Duty PTSD, and did a speaking tour in the Denver metro area and along the front rage of Colorado for The Soldier’s Heart Foundation, my non-profit dedicated to raising PTSD awareness. I dissolved the company in 2015 when I started working at the VA as a Peer Support Specialist. I went back to school in 2017 to pursue a Bachelors of Science in Psychology, full-time, when my wife became pregnant.
I was a stay-at-home dad from 2017 – 2019, and from the moment my daughter was born, I devised a plan to develop her literacy before she would turn 3 years old. I developed a daily routine for us that involved going to each story-time offered at local libraries throughout the week. I had to learn how to be a fish-out-of-water dad in a mom domain. My daughters literacy was more important to me than my pride. I developed friendships with other moms and their babies, the librarians included, and taught my daughter the magic of a library. It hurts my heart that libraries are closed as of this writing due to the stay-at-home order. Today, at 33 months, my daughter knows the sound and shape and sight of a hexagon, and is interested in learning how to code on her iPad. I am also confident, like her father, she is Autistic.
Currently I am on a medical leave of absence from the University of Denver. There, I was on track to complete a Bachelor’s of Science in Psychology with a specialization in Cognitive Neuroscience, minoring in Biological Science & Computer Science. Being 33, with a wife and a daughter and one more on the way, it was finally too much. I can return in four years, and I intend to.
In the meantime, I am assembling a team to help me through this transition. One is a behaviorist, the other a physicist, and the rest is my usual network of support. I am going to seek an official ASD diagnosis, because that is who I am. But I want to share this journey because I think it is important to show the world that Autistic behavior is something much more complex than a diagnosis. It is, in fact, a cultural phenomenon and an evolution of our species.
But I’m not going to give away the end of a story before it begins. Instead, this blog will take you back 16 years, to my decision to enter the Marine Corps, where I learned how to mask my symptoms.
Learning How to Breathe 